changed the layout, and music. No Te Veo by Jowell y Randy. its a reggaeton song i'm currently lovin'. so yesterday was thee best day in like ever! =) yeah ... Anthony he had hugged me from the back! and told me i smelled wonderful, and even took another sniff. um ... we were chatting a lot, and i had him and Jizzo flex their arm muscles for me. ultimate panty wetter lmao. but yeah i was staring at Anthony's ass [lmfao] and i was like making sounds. lmaoo and he went to me, "don't hold back." now .. to me that sounds like, "if you wanna kiss me, just do it." but i knew that wasn't it lmaoo but like later on tht day i found out he has a girlfriend. i was shocked because me & my biff were thinking that he was actually interested in me lol. but like i'm not madd becausee i technically hadn't done anything with him. that would be different. lol. but yeah i seen him today and he was saying how he wants his phonee, etc. i want him to have his phone, too! lmao. and from my source that told me he has a girlfriend, also told me that his girlfriend is in town from Penn State College. and i had remembered he had a sweater of that, but he told me, "oh i like the college." liar lmfao. ah but yeah ... i hope he gets his phone soon. school ends in like 9 days.thats sooooooo scary. lol. i don't want it to end =/

ah 90 degrees weatherr here in New York. its nearly 9pm and its still damn hot. ughh =/ its memorial weekend, so my mom/dad is throwing a lil cook out. but i'm thinking that the family isn't invited because when my cousin called, my mom told me not to mention it lol. but yeah ... and all of a sudden i was feeling really annoyedd. ugh i hope someone calls me tonight to sort of make me feel better. i haven't spoken to O sincee Tuesday. so i hope we speak over the weekend.

NESSAHH™

ahh! so its Wednes. changed the song, its Flippin That by Nina Sky.. i hadn't spoke to Anthony over the weekend. he claimed to me yesterday [Tuesday] that he got his phone taken away for too much texting lol. and yesterday he gave mee like 3 nicee hugs . he's real cool peoples. so when we hugged a lot yesterday, he told me that he would call mee tonight ... um, he did not call. i was sort of bummed again lol. and i had seen him today =) and he told me he hadn't called because he figured i was going HW.  lmaooo. as if, i wouldn't have dropped whatever i was doing, to talk to him! lol. so today i was with my biff Marianna and we were all talking and joking together. it was fun. and because its a Jewish holiday, a few of my teachers were absent. =D um ... hm. yeah so i hope Anthony calls tonight. i think that would have me smiling to sleep! lol. and it was sort of cute because, he seen my friend Marianna and like as he hugged her, he picked her up. lol. and then he hugged mee and like pulled mee away LOLL.  and we walked all the way down the hallway to his class, like his arm around my waist. when i was telling, "i don't wanna press you to call me, etc." he was rubbing my sidee excessively and was telling me not to feel like that and that i'm not pressing him lol. sigh. he is a damn cutiee lol.

O [initaled for my own sake lmao] called mee last night. after a good week of no talking. he's the dude i did stupid shit with last Monday. yeah so he claimed that he has a life and he can't call me everyday. and also that he missed 4 days of school because he was sick with a high fever. and um ... so what we did on that Monday. was very interesting, and he told me its been bothering him. that i have a gift which is sort of funny in a way lmao. like ... okay i'm not a fan of the wholee sucking dick sort of thing ... but i did it 2x in my life. and the 2nd time was with him. i hadn't really want to do it, but i did anyway. so like ... he's telling me i have a gift and that he was in heaven when it happened. i don't know how to feel towards that lmao. but he had told me he wouldn't ask me again, so he was doing so on the phone last night. and he said it was the dumbest mistake to say he wouldn't ask me. and in order for him to not ask me anymore is for me to do it again. wtf.  lmaoooo. he said, "trust me, i know how i'm going to stop." and i was telling him no, no. etc.

life is sort of complicated. but i love it right now =)

NESSAA =)

sigh. okay so its Friday. and i've felt much better from the past few days. i've made some really cutee guy friends . and i've given my # out to 2 of 'em. now that its Friday, i'm expecting some calls. lol. life hasn't been to light on me, but i'm glad i have family and friends [ and God ] whose by my sidee to support me and help me get through everything. because without them, i think i would still be crying my eyes out right about now.

ah there are these 2 dudes whose on the Track team of my school who are SEXYY. LOLL Ryan and Anthony. Ryan is a Junior (11th grade) and Anthony is a Senior. *tear* lol. and a football guy, a SR, Jizzo [ don't ask lmao] but anthony is freaking sexy lol he's got really niceeeeee armss. if only i could see thosee abs! lOL. i've felt ryan's abs bfore. Ryan is like really dark-skinnedd, and good-looking for a dark skinned guy lol. anthony is like light skinned, but not too light skinned. like caramel skinned. and he's really sweet. wheneveer he would see me & my friendd he would givee us kool-aid smiles lol. well anthony has my #  lol and i hope i speak to him over the weekend. and Jizzo has my #, too but i think he's going to want to speak to my other friend more than me LOL. and ryan ... we are progressing our newly profound friendship. lmfao

there's this dude named Joseph who wants me;; claims my cousin. yet at the same time, they're talking on the phone a whole bunch and he telling her he wants to be her prom date to her prom. wtf.  yeah, sureeee he likes me.  i told myself that i didn't care anymoree, becausee if he so called liked me, he wouldn't pull the shit he's did. lie to me, be all up on other girls, flirt with a whole load of 'em, and still have a damn girfriend. but now my cousin is telling me that his status on myspace is single. um, okay, i'll believee he truly is? lol. its just hard because, now that i'm speaking to more guys and have interest in them, he's slipped my mind. i don't really trust him too much, and in a way i even think he's phony. but idk, i can't be the one to judge.

Johnny has been a truee dick lately. well, idk. i haven't spoken to him for weeks since he's gotten back with his ex-girlfriend. somee weird, ugly, wannabe-punk rock chick. [ lol ]. i just dont like her, and now i don't like him. on myspace they call each other pebbles && bam-bam.  pebbles & bam-bam my ass. they makee those cutee names look bad lmfaoooo. but yeah, of course he wouldn't noticee that i'm not speaking to him anymore. so much for bffls. he's an assholee and my life is still going right without his poser ass. [ ah if he seen me write that he would  have spaz'd out. ] yeah, but i guess he's off my friend's list. i can do without him. =P

NESSSAA =)

the song Breathe by Anna Nalick is the theme of my life right now. =( my life is starting to fall apart all over again like it did last year around this same time in '06. i did some stupid shit and now i have to pay for it. and i don't want to, and all i can do is deal with it, pray every night [ like always ] and hope everything gets better. i don't have much to say becausee i truly am stupid. what i did? can't say because i'm basically ashamed of myself. and i shouldn't be, because what i did was like half my decision also. sigh. i just want to choke myself or some shit. if i do stupid shit, why don't i make some more?

i can't think of anything else to say ...

omgosh, this is like a 3rd/2nd day streak that i've written in a row! lol. well today was cool. i felt so 2-faced today because of J-Man and my bestie. -sigh- but everything is sort of worked out. i still flirt with him, and i spoke to her. and she's fine with it. i didn't tell her everything, though. i doubt she wants to hear that, she told me herself lol. theres this dude in my school who's really attracted to me, named Taysean, and um, well i'm not attracted to him. and he really wants some of this lol. but i spoke to J-Man and he told me to say, "you can try, but you won't succeed." ah its sort of mean, i think. but Johnny told me that i shouldn't be lienant with him if i'm not too interested, etc. -sigh- i'm crazy and i have crazy friends lol.

today during lunch, it was my bffl, my bestie, and my 2 other fave girls. all together at a table, chatting. and we were speaking about our boobs. LMAOO. omgosh and my bestie has a "stalker" and he was looking over at us. we found it pretty hilarious. because we're looking at each others' bras and telling each others' sizes. idk. it was funny lol.

can't find anything else to write about for now. so i'll write soon. peaceee <3

NESSURRR =)